While walking home from my gym last night I got to thinking about differences. The differences between waiting and laziness, expecting and stupidity, faith and ignorance...so many thin lines that we are never really taught how to distinguish between. And really, you may have extremely strong faith that to many people LOOKS like ignorance but isn't. But how can you tell? How do you know when to keep pressing forward and when to find a different way? How do some people find these amazing opportunities and others flounder around for years? Who decides what people deserve and what they don't? I decided a long time ago that life is anything but fair. Opportunity doesn't seek out those most worthy, it seems like it just happens whenever it wants and whoever is around can take advantage. I am still trying so hard to be optimistic, I really am. I hate that the pessimism and negativity come out here, but that is what my life is right now. As always though, there IS a silver lining.
I was told a wonderful story about a bowl of jelly the other morning. Yeah, a bowl of jelly. Basically the story ended with: If God can provide them with a bowl of jelly, he can provide you with the perfect next step. I know that God is more than able, I believe my steps are ordered, I KNOW God can take care of me. I do wonder though if I am doing something to get in His way, I wonder if maybe I'm just not listening or not doing what I'm supposed to.
Another silver lining: this year I have learned more about the reality of people than I ever thought I would. True motivation, deception, culture, negotiation, blackmail, and consideration. One day I'll sort through it all, but it has definitely given me a fresh perspective that will help me the rest of my life for sure.
