Sunday, September 1, 2013

My addiction

I have discovered I am addicted. I can't decide what my addiction is but I am very aware that I am most definitely addicted.
I started doing aid work 13 months ago. I had no idea what I was getting into; I was just a wide eyed, naive, eager woman who wanted to make some sort of difference. 13 months later I feel a little less wide eyed and naive but every bit as eager as I was before...and maybe even more eager than before. I recently clicked on a link to a cool blog and ended up stumbling upon a website called chasing misery. Here is the excerpt that especially caught my eye:

"The name for the anthology comes from a conversation that the Head of the Editorial Team, Kelsey Hoppe, had while in Indonesia following the 2004 tsunami in which hundreds of thousands of people died and so many more lost their homes, families and livelihoods. After a long day, she was sitting on the roof of a house with a friend, tired, sad and thought ‘what a strange life this is, what a strange profession – ‘chasing human misery’ around the world as we go from one emergency response to the next." --http://www.chasingmisery.com/the-book/

That hit me because I do sometimes encounter feeling that way. I have been in the same place for my entire aid work career thus far but ever since we moved out of an emergency response I have felt that old familiar feeling of needing to move on. I think I may have been designed for disaster response. During an emergency response, everything is different. Agencies are forced to partner for the benefit of the beneficiaries, you do whatever it takes to get the job done, you learn as you go, qualifications don't matter as long as the job gets done, it's just more challenging and dare I say it, FUN. Once the emergency fades, politics get involved, people start showing off, qualifications are suddenly all that matter, and people put off doing the job no matter what for doing the job according to policies. It's not as fun. 
The other night I met a colleague working for another agency and shared a summarized version of the above excerpt and asked him what he thought. He shared a fantastic point of view by telling me he didn't look at it as chasing misery but instead bringing hope. I love that. The reason it resonates is because I do believe that is closer to the truth. I don't feel a buzz because people are suffering, witnessing that part is difficult, I feel the buzz because I am able to do something about it. The aim is to give them some hope so they can have the strength to pick themselves up. 
One thing I have learned over and over is that life is not fair. It simply is not. I may be addicted to responding to emergencies but maybe a better way to phrase that is I am addicted to bringing hope. The world would be amazing if everyone could find a similar addiction. 


Saturday, June 29, 2013

difficult/great

Things that have been difficult lately:

  1. Rainy season. It makes the road muddy, breaks our vehicles, and brings disease. Oh, rainy season...you are difficult.
  2. Death. Community forced abortion, a loved staff member, and the many more dying everyday...it wears you down. So many questions, doubts, sadness...lots of emotions. 
  3. Relationships. Starting, ending, transitioning. That is difficult.

Things that have been great:
  1. I signed up for another year contract. Yay! I value my work and I'm happy to continue.
  2. I'm going to England to see friends I haven't seen in so long! It makes my soul happy.
  3. Cat hasn't died. Yes, to me, this is great. 

Strange update...just had to get some events in writing.


Sunday, April 28, 2013

This is not an original thought

I never update. When I do, I am never very eloquent or descriptive of what life has really been like. I am sincerely sorry for that since I look back on these entries often and am so appreciative when I write something that actually captures what I was experiencing at the time. This time, I will also not share what's going on in my life. I will, however, share an awesome link to another blog post which shares some opinions I agree with. I value beauty just like everyone. This is proven by me wearing makeup, doing my hair, painting my nails, generally desiring to look beautiful. However...I am a little less than impressed with the fact that beauty=value. That is why I loved this link:

http://jazzylittledrops.tumblr.com/post/48118645174/why-doves-real-beauty-sketches-video-makes-me

I do have to say, I also loved the Dove video and was very happy to see women describe other women in a positive way. I kind of hate when women turn on each other. We should really be each other's biggest supporters because I get way more nervous about another woman's approval than I do a man's. I could be the odd one out on that one...but I doubt it.

Hopefully I will write soon with some original thoughts and experiences!

Sunday, January 13, 2013

There is no answer

I got the wonderful opportunity to visit Zurich on my way home from R&R yesterday. Standing on the shores of Lake Zurich looking out to snow peaked mountains and beautiful homes I was happy. Switzerland seems like a generally happy place. I didn't have much time to be there, just a few hours, but I was happy I got to see a new place.
While I was there, I got a little time to look at the beautiful scenery and ponder some things. The question I kept coming back to was, "Why?" Why do people do what they do? Why did they have to do it the way they did? Why? After every pondering, this is the question my brain ended with. I let me my mind roll over it several times before I realized, there is never a real answer for why. Someone can tell you what they think or feel but maybe that isn't the real why. Maybe no one really knows the exact why to explain what was done. Sometimes it's not even one person or a person, it just is. And that is the thought I ended with, the resolution I found; sometimes, everything just is. I think that's okay.