Tricky, but essential

I ride my bike to work. This means I have roughly 45 minutes daily to think about whatever I want while pedaling through the cold air. Sometimes I think about things that amount to nothing and sometimes I think about things that really matter--to me at least. Lately, a thought that has come up is whether or not I'm ready to leave Japan.
I'm the first to admit I have no real love for Japan. I don't necessarily appreciate the culture although I do respect it. The weather doesn't tend to put a smile on my face. The language doesn't roll off my tongue even though I get by. It's not the sort of environment that stimulates, inspires, or motivates me. In spite of all this, I am paying off my debt and making decent money. Even though I never thought I would be the sort of person that makes decisions based purely on finances, I feel burdened by my student debt and want to do everything I can to get rid of it forever. That is put up against the fact that I am craving mental stimulation and something to make me feel passionate again. I can only read so many current event articles about what the world needs before I feel angry with myself for not furthering myself to be able to do anything. So the choice is between progress and debt repayment...and when I put it that way the answer is so obviously progress.
If I am progressing and bettering myself, I am confident I can force my finances to follow suit. If I am following my passion while also working hard, I don't see my current debt getting in the way. It seems the real issue is finding the balance between logically eliminating my debt and furthering myself to maintain happiness. Balance is tricky, but essential.

I am boring.

This blog came out of my interest in studying for the GRE math section. Clearly my interest was basically zero since I got as far as googling study guides, downloading one, reading one paragraph, and deciding to update my blog instead. Yes, I am definitely ready to go back to school.

In way more exciting news, I have decided as of today I am a boring person. I realize in reality this is a harsh statement so I'll reword it to: I am going through a boring rut. I think the rut has a lot of roots. The roots don't matter as much as how I'm going to get out of the rut. This is always difficult because if you feel like you are boring, you want to do something drastically exciting and interesting. The problem with this is that according to WHOM are you going to measure the excitement and interest?! Issues, issues. My mind still hasn't fully gotten around the whole boring situation so no solution has been reached. All I know is on Sunday I'm getting bangs. Or a fringe. Depends where you're from.

I stepped on my hamster today. It felt like I really squished him, but he didn't squeak, bleed, or walk funny afterward and he still tried to have sex with my girl hamster shortly after so I think he's okay. It made me feel so bad. If I step on my hamster does this mean bad news for any future babies? I know it's a dramatic and stupid thought, but I won't lie and say it didn't cross my mind.

I realize that anyone who reads this will find my writing is disorganized and grammatically messy. Beyond that, it sounds immature and naive. My only excuse is that this place is where I put all the thoughts that are falling out of my brain which must mean all the amazing, intelligent thoughts stay inside.