Peace

I've known for about a month that I will be moving to Sudan. I've known but I haven't really put much thought into it. To me, it just was what it was, I was moving to Africa and that was my next step. Once that decision was made and that job was accepted I stopped wondering if this was right.

Rewind to one year ago.

I was AGONIZING over my decision to leave Japan. I couldn't decide what was right for me and why.

Why such a difference?

I sincerely believe this is what I am supposed to be doing and I can see a chain of events in my life that led me to this. I haven't been so sure of anything in a very long time. I feel joyful, at peace, and truly happy. Of course there are specific things and people I am very sad to leave behind or not have with me while I am there but I can't say no to this. Which leads me to this odd, nagging, negative thought I have sometimes: what if this ends up not working out?

I don't have an answer for that. I honestly don't. All I know is that I need to go.

I don't think I am a great writer nor do I think I am able to clearly express how I feel about things when they are happening. I have just completed my second day of orientation and the thought that keeps running through my head is, "HOW did I get this job?!" I feel so overwhelmed by how amazing this opportunity is and honored that I get to be a part of it. There have been so many moments when I want to cry because I can't believe I get to do what I am about to do. I know it is not about me but the reality is: I am about to be in the midst of a very intense, real, humanitarian disaster. And I get to do something about it. I am sure I won't be able to do all I want to and at first I won't know what to do at all but eventually, I will do something.

I cannot possibly put into words everything I am processing right now but I can say I am excited, clueless, amazed, a little nervous, and ready. I think I'm ready. We will see.