Thank you, more please.

I was watching some cheesy movie today in my hotel room with a title I had never heard of. I don't normally get into great movies so this good movie was just perfect for me. A woman was explaining that she had once taken a cab and the driver looked in the rearview mirror and started telling her how much potential she had and how she had to practice more gratitude by always saying thank you. And after she said thank you to say, "more please". "thank you, more please" HA! Imagine.

What would life be like if I could accept all the amazing parts and say, "thank you, more please." Ah! I already enjoy life but I think I allow the lows to consume too much time. There is sadness in life, happiness, sorrow, joy, suffering...but I should embrace the joy as deeply as I embrace the sorrow. Feel it all. And when it's good say, "thank you, more please." It is SO OFTEN GOOD.

Missions of Charity

Today I visited a Missions of Charity home in Addis. This is one of the homes started by Mother Theresa and is now tended by other Catholic sisters. It is amazing how they have dedicated their lives to serving those who are destitute, dying, sick, poor...people who have nowhere else to go. They give dignity to those who seemingly have none left. It was really beautiful. In the sister's words, "They come here to die like human beings, not like animals on the street."

While we were there, a man died in a ward right before we stepped into it. When we stepped in, there was a crowd praying around his bed. I didn't watch him die but I watched those around his bed say their goodbyes and pray for him and it just reminded me that we all die. It's not like the movies...you just go. She told us they cook special meals for those they know are dying. Sometimes, after eating the special meal, the person goes. Typing "the person goes" makes me feel like it's just another journey. I suppose for a christian it is an extension...us meeting our creator. Being with Jesus.

I haven't faced death and life in such a raw way in a very long time. It was a bit jarring, to be honest. Nepal wasn't like that. People were suffering, sure, but I never watched them die or become terminally ill. That sort of thing is unique. 

DART #1

DART #1 is complete and I can feel like a *real* aid worker now.

Things I liked about the DART

• I learned an incredible amount in a very short amount of time. Efficiency at it's finest.
• The freedom to do what I thought was best.
• Working with people I love and trust.
• Helping people when I had the ability to help.

Things I did not like about the DART

• Feeling helpless for the first week.
• Feeling like I was letting down people I love and trust.
• The constant staff turnover
• Knowing I would leave so soon and be just one more face of many aid workers.

The first days of the DART were hard for me. I felt like I didn't know what I was doing and every day that I had somehow failed. I learned a TON but wish i had better direction. I think I could do a better job now so I have to be okay with that. I also think I did the best I could with what I had...cliche thing to say but I do think it's true in this case.

Working in a place for only one month was difficult. I get attached quickly, it seems, and by the end of my time I didn't want to leave. I fall in love far too quickly and one month was long enough for me to think I had some sort of connection to a place I hadn't even considered visiting before. I think Nepal does that to people.

I am happy that it wasn't as emotional an assignment as South Sudan. There were emotions, there were sad times and triumphant times but there wasn't the heaviness of hopelessness and history repeating itself with violence and hate. Nepal will rebuild. Nepal will move on. Nepal will remember the good things and let go of the bitter, as it does. There were a few things I won't forget, though.

I met a man in an IDP camp who had been crying. He came up to me right as I got out of the car and started talking to me. Of course, I don't speak Nepali so my colleague had to interpret. He was a grown man, drunk, and in so much pain. He told me about his family who had all been killed in landslides that had wiped out his village in Haku. He himself had been wounded. I am not sure he wanted me to do anything and there really wasn't anything I could do for him but...he was lonely. He didn't tell me that part but it seemed that way. He followed me around for the entire time I was there. I wanted to talk to him but didn't know what to say. My colleague seemed uncomfortable talking to him. I saw that man a few days before I left Nepal and he seemed a lot better. His wounds had healed and he looked healthier. I am sure he was moving on as best he could and I was happy to see him before I left.

The difference between the aftershocks in Nepal vs. Japan will also be unforgettable. After the Japan quake, aftershocks were just tolerated. People didn't like them but there was never much reaction. That probably says more about the culture than the psychological state of the people, not to mention the faith in the building practices of Japan vs. Nepal. Aftershocks in Nepal were not just tolerated, they were experienced. Even if I never felt the shake, everyone else did and ran screaming out of any building they happened to be in. I usually heard the reaction before I realized there was an aftershock. I think that conditioned me to fear the shaking more than the shaking itself. It was interesting. I do hope people heal quickly from the emotional scars of the earthquake as rebuilding homes is easier than mending emotional scars.