Yoga is really more of an anger issue than a relaxation technique

I officially hate yoga. I realize that people do yoga to relax, clear their heads, feel better and more positive about life…but it just makes me angry. Maybe it would have been okay if my instructor was an English speaker who told me nice things like “focus on your core…breathe slowly…really concentrate on clearing out your center…” or whatever it is my instructor is saying, but in Korean. The only words I understand are ‘left’ ‘right’ and ‘switch’. I also somehow caught onto whenever he was telling us to put one of our limbs down. Not sure how that happened…but my brain got it. This week the anger came to a head and last night at my last class EVER of yoga I sat there during my least favorite poses and refused to do them. I realize this proves that I have regressed significantly when it comes to maturity and constructive communication, but I just couldn’t pretend anymore. My body naturally bends in ways it really shouldn’t, so this man though I liked yoga and had done it back in the states. I feel that I proved to him my hate for yoga when I just looked at him and instead of forcing me to “Ashley, again” he just let me give him a dirty look. What a kind man. He really is a kind man though, he gave me a neti pot! Nevertheless, I am going back to running.
I bought a plane ticket to Taiwan today. Craziness. I’m pretty stoked though…it should be warm enough to make me feel like it’s not New Years. Then again, for China, it WON’T be New Years. That should be a good adventure…find New Year’s in a country that runs on a lunar calendar. I have no doubts in my skills though, I will find the scene or create one myself.
Let’s see, what are some life highlights…. One of my most fluent and youngest English speakers drew me a picture that said, “This is for you, Teacher. I love you.” And I nearly cried. It was so sweet. There is a REASON her class is one of my favorites and I look forward to it everyday. Also, a little girl who I have had MAJOR issues with teaching (I.e. when we began, she could BARELY read and had SOMEHOW passed all her phonics classes?!?!?!) gave me a gift today. Lately, she has been getting WAY better, actually being able to read words and is speaking more which makes me very, very happy. She gave me two pens that said ‘Korea’ on them and had handmade Korean dolls on them. It sounds weird, but they are really cool pens.
I am feeling like I am progressing in personal growth. Finally. I started writing about some goals I have for myself and why I decided to come to Korea, which helped a lot with making me feel grounded and confident in my decisions. I’ve been getting a little irritated with Korean lately. It doesn’t help that I think it is an ugly language and don’t have any personal draw to it…I’m not way into learning a language for things like survival. I can survive with English. I am trying to force myself to learn anyways and know that eventually I’ll become intrigued by Korean. Hopefully that time comes sooner rather than later.

Holidays and the crazy things I do

So….how to process it all. I am getting better and better at this thing called culture shock mostly because it seems every culture is the same and simply expresses it differently. Once you find the common thread, what is left to be shocked over?
It doesn’t feel like Christmas in Korea because I’m not constantly being bombarded with reminders of how much money I need to spend since it’s CHRISTMAS and what ELSE do you do on Christmas but buy ridiculously expensive things for everyone in your life?! I’ve always loved every part of Christmas but the gifts. I think a couple years ago is when I stopped enjoying gifts. It just seems so ridiculous to feel pressured to buy things for people simply because that is what you did (or at least what the media screamed you should do). I understand the importance of tradition, I understand that there is the desire to show your loved ones that you love them by giving them something, but it feels so fake and forced. I always loved being able to relax, eat, joke around, watch movies, and just be with everyone I loved because it was Christmas. And then there was the candlelight Christmas Eve service…so beautiful. For some reason, I still cannot sleep on Christmas Eve…the excitement I felt as a child always creeps back up again and I just lay in bed with my eyes wide open and a smile on my face. I don’t know if that will happen this year. I don’t know though…I watched ‘Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown!’ in one of my more advanced English classes the other night and cried when it got to the part where Linus tells the Christmas story out of the Bible. Then, tonight, I watched a scene from ‘The Polar Express’ and could not stop smiling. So, maybe that Christmas spirit is creeping up!
I do yoga here in Korea but for the past couple of times I have had to force myself to go. My instructor is unbelievably kind, but I just don’t really like yoga. I am already flexible, so I don’t really feel like it’s pushing me to new heights. All I feel it doing is inflict pain on random body parts because the language barrier causes me to pull muscles instead of gently stretch them. The instructor is always saying, “Ashley, slow, slow.” But when he isn’t watching and trying to instruct in Korean, I tend to go fast, fast. I definitely messed up my neck and in between my shoulders tonight. Go me. I think I’m going to go back to running.
The guy I do the language exchange with told me that a Russian professor he knows will let me start attending her classes for free. I am so excited! The only snags I see in this plan are 1. I hope the time of the classes match the times I can go and 2. I don’t know Korean and she doesn’t know English…so it looks like I will be learning Korean and Russian at the same time. I honestly think I know enough Russian for her to be able to explain any misunderstanding in Russian and it will be okay, but if not, then my Korean will also be getting better. Insane. I’m pretty excited and REALLY hope I can do the class. I’m hoping to meet her tomorrow when I go with my friend to his University.
I made chicken noodle soup pretty much from scratch the other night. Even though it’s not hard, it tasted amazing and that made me proud of myself.
I finally watched ‘Blood Diamond’ about a week ago and realized how in love with Africa I really am. A friend of mine said he doesn’t think it would take much to “fix” Africa, but then what would we have to “fix” next. I’m not sure I agree and I’m not sure one can really use an excuse like that to justify not doing it. There was a part in the movie where Leo DiCaprio’s character is talking to an African dude who asks Leo if he thinks there are good or bad people. Leo’s character says that he doesn’t think there are good or bad people, there are just people who DO good and bad things. Even a bad person can be redeemed by a good action. I found it very interesting, true, and somewhat disturbing how capable any person is of doing whatever they feel they have to. I’ve also been listening to a LOT of business/economic NPR programs. It’s very interesting hearing about all the pieces of the puzzle that make up the current economic state of the world. Learning about the hyperinflation happening in Zimbabwe blew my mind. How that mess will get figured out is beyond me.
I think this is enough of an update for now. My Thanksgiving turned out to be FANTASTIC and I got to eat stuffing made from scratch by me. There, of course, were other wonderful things to eat and my Irish friend that taunted me over how many Thanksgiving’s he was getting ended up giving me turkey. All was well. J

Thanksgiving. The day non Americans get to eat turkey and Ashley does not.

It’s Thanksgiving. Being in South Korea for Thanksgiving reminds me of when I was in Russia for Thanksgiving…it’s just another day. In Russia, we had the day off and we went to our professor’s house, everyone bringing a different dish, but it wasn’t the same. Everyone seemed sad and like they had way better things to do. No one was happy except for me and a couple of my friends. The day pretty much sucked and made me miss home. Today was a bit of the same. I did not have the day off (which makes sense since Thanksgiving is an American holiday), I felt rushed through my entire day, I had to get up at 8:30 to get everything done and still got barely anything done due to unforeseen circumstances, Omar turned his phone off so I did not get to talk to him, I ate junk food, I am tired, I didn’t get to go to yoga or do any real exercise, and an Irish friend of mine taunted me about how much real Thanksgiving food he will be eating which I will not be…even though he is Irish and I am American and it should be the other way around. Sidenote on the Irish taunting me. Not only did he get a Thanksgiving dinner courtesy of his university complete with turkey (which I will not be eating), the day after Thanksgiving he is going to Seoul where food will be delivered from a US military base. So…he gets an entirely authentic American Thanksgiving. Maybe even two. So yes, I am complaining a bit, but today I got just a tidgin (I may have made that word up) irritated at the whole ordeal. I don’t know that I was actually homesick, I just wanted rest I think. Just a bit of time where I feel clear and happy, at peace, with people I am comfortable with…I don’t know, a moment where everything seems right.
I really should not complain though, I have a lot to be thankful for. Saturday I will be celebrating Thanksgiving with some American and non American friends. It’s going to be great, I found someone who has an oven so I can cook (overjoyed, you have no idea)!!
I’m thinking of going to Taiwan for my winter break because…I can. That’s pretty much the reason. Thailand seems a bit out of the question due to the airports being closed ad the fact that it’s high tourist season. That sucks for all the tourists there now that can’t leave. Or is awesome because they can’t leave a paradise…depends on how you look at it I guess. I’m also planning a DMZ trip for December. It should be an interesting time, visiting the most heavily fortified border in the world. Or the most something having to do with military and defense in the world. I think it’s most fortified…but I can’t be sure. There’s a lot of military there, that’s all I know. It’s pretty insane to be living in a country that’s technically still at war with North Korea since they never signed anything saying the war was over. It was rumored that they’ll be closing the DMZ soon since North Korea is getting increasingly unhappy with South…but they’re always kind of going back an forth.
I have the cough of death currently. It is this terrible dry cough that just lingers on into eternity. Or, if you’re me, eternity is defined as one week. I just don’t like coughing every time I speak especially considering my job requires me to be speaking most of the day. I feel like it’s getting better…but it would be great if it was just gone. I don’t cough a lot during yoga, but I think that has a lot to do with how deliberate my breathing is and that fact that I’m not talking during yoga.
Also, I have been told the following things this week: I have crow's feet and dimensia (from the kid that hates me), my name sounds like a yacht or an insurance company, I absolutely have to have a roommate but I don't have to switch apartments. Crow's feet? Wrinkles? Dear, Lord! I could only laugh when he said it because...I know he does not appreciate me forcing him to speak English. But I guess he should have thought I would force him to speak English...at an English school. Go figure.

I blame everything on a hot dog

I blame all of my current symptoms on a hot dog. And the only reason this is okay is because I am sick. When I’m sick, I can pretty much make any ridiculous claim I want and it’s okay. And why am I sick? Because of a hot dog.
A few of my friends here came down with this terrible flu-like coldish sort of sickness that was lingering on into forever and I hope that I would not catch it. I took vitamins, but when I skipped a day I started coming down with something. I hate forgetting. So…I pretty much ate only vegetables the entire day and felt amazingly better. The next day, I forgot my carrots at home and got a hot dog from Buy the Way (a convenience store) thinking that the protein would do me good. I forgot that it really wasn’t protein I was eating, it was chemicals and nitrates and whatever else they put in convenience store hot dogs from Denmark. It said it was from Denmark anyways. From then on it was all downhill. I felt like CRAP the rest of the night. I blame it on the hot dog.
In happier news, I discovered the beauty that is the Neti pot and fully appreciate floor heating.
Thanksgiving is in a week and I really cannot believe it. I’m pretty sure I will not be having a Thanksgiving like any other year. In fact, I will be giving monthly tests all day until 9:05 pm and then I’m pretty sure I’m not going to try and cook something huge for myself that late. So…maybe a weekend Thanksgiving. Or no Thanksgiving. Kind of a shame seeing as Thanksgiving is one of my fave holidays because I can eat all the foods I really really like and the day after Thanksgiving ALWAYS feels like the holidays. I’m not going to complain though, it will be an entirely new experience, and I think I may try and trek to the Buddha to observe Thanksgiving in my own way. It should be a good time.
One of my students told me they hated me and I said, “hahah, wow!” and they were shocked at my response. To be honest, I was just impressed that they knew the word hate. This class is also known for being a class of douches. I would be happy to stop being their teacher, but I have to look beyond their terrible behavior and pretend I’m doing SOME good in their lives.

This is what I get for learning Korean.

I try to be a healthy person. Anyone from back home knows that I love all natural food, exercise often, and generally love being healthy. I’m very much against loads of chemicals and processing food until it isn’t really food anymore. Korea hasn’t really gotten into the health food movement and it can be difficult to get healthy food here for cheap, in fact I’m pretty sure it’s impossible to get CHEAP health food, it’s always more expensive. I understand this, compromise, and just try my best with what’s around. I’ve been doing pretty good at avoiding loads of chemicals and over processed shit. Lately I have been learning Korean and recently learned how to read it. A lot of things here are written in Konglish which means that if you can sound it out, it sounds like what the English equivalent is. So I’m cooking some pasta and added some salt to the water. When I bought the salt, I just picked the cheapest bag and went with it. I couldn’t read back then, so I didn’t really know what it was…but salt is salt, right? No. Salt is not salt. I am standing in my kitchen over the pot of boiling water sounding out, “mah…suh…ge….SHIT!” I have been putting straight MSG in my food. Wow. Awesome. Let me pump my body full of MORE chemicals I wouldn’t touch if I was in America. Ugh.

People are people

I finally realized people are people. This sounds like a pretty lame and obvious realization, but I feel like it has a lot more depth. I’ll try to explain but I feel like this is better explained in person with my passion and hand movements to accompany.
I’ve been having some encounters with people lately that have involved labels. What I mean by this is people see me interacting with someone and ask me about it later only to tell me about that person’s label, such as ‘so and so is a player’ ‘that person is a flake’ ‘this person is a gossip’ and on and on. In the past, I’ve never paid too much attention to labels, or I did pay attention and either treated the person respectively (I’m sorry) or got to know them better so they could prove their label wrong. Since I’ve been here, I have heard more people be labeled than I would have cared to. And here is what I learned: people talk. People say anything they want based on assumptions and very little evidence. They will be nice to you to your face and say things behind your back based on their perceptions, not truth. I guess people could argue that perceptions are truth, but when you apply this argument to labels I think it doesn’t hold too well. I feel like labels help people categorize others in order to make themselves feel more comfortable, even safer. After all, if you know who you think someone is there is very little risk involved with the person. But I say…we’re all just people. Labels work to certain extent, but not if they’re based on only YOUR perception and not if they are used to prove to yourself you are better than someone else so that you can feel more at ease with the person.
People are people. Everyone is the same to a certain extent. We all feel pain, we have all been hurt, we’re all trying to find something that makes our lives seem worth it, we all want someone to see us (really see us), we laugh, we live, we learn…we all do those things. Being a better person is as simple as realizing that everyone is human. I think we forget that sometimes and look at people as competition, pain, or regret. But people are none of those things, no matter what, people are still people.
I think that life has a tendency to sneak up on you. Maybe not life…maybe that’s not what I mean…maybe I mean I have a tendency to sneak up on myself. I am slowly figuring out what makes me tick, what makes me really happy. It is an interesting discovery and definitely one that is being done step by step, which is not the easiest thing for an impatient person like myself. I’ve always said I feel like I always choose the hardest way to do everything, but I think what I mean is that I always choose the most rewarding and it always ends up being the hardest.

The culture of the tongue

Haven’t updated this in awhile…but I guess I’ve been busy. This past weekend I was not in my apartment at all sans when I had to change clothes and take a shower. Not much sleep was had, but it was HALLOWEEN!
I don’t think many people necessarily get into Halloween as a true holiday as much as they get into it for a reason to party…not that you need a reason in Cheonan. I learned that Halloween was started in the UK. That’s pretty much all I learned on Halloween.
I am officially in the numb stage of culture shock. That is technically not a stage, but I’ve felt it before and know that it is part of culture shock for me. I think when I lived in Russia everything was softened by the fact that we were attending University, living, hanging out, eating, and talking with other Americans while in Russia. So while I felt some culture shock there…that didn’t come until I moved in with my Russian family. Right now it seems like I feel nothing. The only thing that jarred me out of it was when a kid got hit yesterday because I told my boss he was bad. He was being really terrible in my class, refusing to do anything. It frustrated me so much that I told my boss, the “principal”, that this kid was acting out. Instead of talking to him, like I THOUGH he would do, he hit him with a stick! I almost cried. I felt so bad that because he was bad in class, he got hit. Apparently, that is the norm here, but I hate it. I can understand a parent disciplining their child with spanking, but that is their CHILD! I guess in public schools they straight up beat the crap out of kids and it is totally accepted. I was a little shaken by it.
This weekend I am going to see a giant bronze buddha that is in my city. I’m pretty excited since I heard about it before I even came here, and now I get to see it!
I think I may be sort of getting the hang of teaching. I know I am still learning, everyday brings its challenges, but for someone who has never been trained to teach I think I’m doing okay. I don’t like being just okay at something, though. I want to be amazing. I want my students to speak beautifully. Speaking of speaking beautifully, I have officially had two Korean ‘lessons”. I use lesson loosely since it’s a language exchange, so we both teach each other. I can read (slowly), say basic greetings, and tell my taxi driver directions. I can also order random things like coffee, water, beer, and various other alcoholic beverages. It’s coming along! It’s helpful that I live in Korea, otherwise I would never learn this language. It is so interesting to see the connections between language and culture. They are absolutely knitted together. And that is exactly why I love learning languages.