WORD VOMIT!

I often neglect this blog because I feel like I have nothing of worth to put in it or I know I don't really want to put the energy into making what I have to say sound like it's of worth. But because I have neglected it for so long and am now convinced no one reads this anymore, I can write whatever I want without thinking about what someone may say.
The past week or so my mind has been on relationships. I've been dating someone for four months now and recently a good friend of mine has been telling me about her relationship issues. People can be so messed up sometimes and that is saying it politely. Not only are people messed up but when they get into a relationship all that mess slops onto the other person and then the other person doesn't know what to do with it, so they project it back and no one talks about what really needs to be talked about. There are so many different ways a relationship could go wrong and there is no predicting what will happen in any given situation. It's scary, risky, weird, and yes, also amazing.
I have always understood that relationships were full of wonderful things that were balanced out with difficult things. I have always understood this but never lived it. I have never had to deal with the reality of how delicate relationships can be. How two people can be living parallel to one another in completely different worlds and one day just crash and completely break each other. I get that people heal and "get over" things, but once your heart is given to someone, I think a piece of it will always stay with them and you can't really get over that. It just sucks. Sometimes relationships just suck. So far, my relationship has been going really well but I'm scared something will happen. I KNOW that I can deal with it if that happens and not to worry but I FEEL protective of my heart.
Without any transition whatsoever, it was supposed to snow today and did NOT. I was unhappy. It started to rain and I wanted to stop teaching and rant about the injustices of weather. Unfortunately, four year old's don't understand rants and can only connect with the injustices of not enough attention or sugar.
My brain is lazy. I am supposed to be studying Japanese or for the GRE or looking into the FSO test. Instead, I am watching The L Word so I can figure out who killed Jennifer Schecter and YES this show is super old. A part of me reminds myself of all the things I should be doing: look for an apartment, update my resume, apply for jobs closer to where I want to live, read the news, look at grad schools...and another part of me thinks I just don't feel like doing those things. LAZY!!! I'm sure I'll get over it.
To end, I have become increasingly intolerant of cheating. I think it is disgusting and even have trouble watching tv shows that contain cheating. Sometimes I even skip scenes in the L Word since that show is one long string of someone cheating on someone else. Cheating is stupid and breaks people. Don't do it.