*sigh* I could not kill a goat. I didn't even really try. I was really going to, I was pumped about it, so ready to kill that goat and appreciate my food. The morning of the party I walked to the bathroom and there, laying in the path, was one of the goats. We had bought three to be slaughtered and eaten. It was just sleeping on the path to the bathroom. I looked to the right and there was another goat just standing there, tied to a tree. This goat wouldn't even lift it's head to look at me. I looked to the left and that goat was totally oblivious that death was near and was eating some unidentified object totally happily. I probably would have killed that goat. The other two though....they looked so sad. As if they KNEW they were about to die. I decided then that there was no way I would be the one to kill them. I avoided the goats all day until I heard them start to make lots of noise and then no noise at all. This was one of the only times in my life I considered becoming a vegetarian. I unconsidered it when I started smelling the goat being grilled, it was a fantastic smell. I was so hungry, I wandered over to the grill and got a piece of goat and completely appreciated the sacrifice of the goat's life as I ate the meat. It was soooooo good. They really know how to grill their goats around here.
I finally got to see a food distribution. I have been meaning to see one and have just never had time to go. It was a pretty cool thing to see. The stack up the food in front of the warehouses and give it out to groups of people as they punch families ration cards. The groups then divide up the food among the families. Cool system. It seems to work well and I am obviously leaving out tons of details but in short, it was really cool to see something being done. A lot of my job so far has been figuring out how things should go or helping our staff but I haven't gotten to do much to help people. At the food distribution, I got to see our team helping people in the form of food aid. Then again...are we helping?
I've been thinking about the question for awhile now, are we helping? Is the assistance we give the refugees really helping, or are we helping to fuel the conflict? Helping them become dependent on us? Arrogantly believing we are really doing any good at all when we are not? I really don't know. I think there are probably many different opinion on this, just like every other issue, I just have not figured out what my opinion is. I just kept wondering, as I was watching people walk away with sacks of Sorghum on their heads, what did refugees do before NGO's existed? There has always been conflict, how did the victim's of conflict's past survive without food assistance? Did they survive? Our aid doesn't help groups solve conflict and doesn't help people get over tribalism, so what did they do in the past when there was a "humanitarian crisis?" Who decided it was a good idea to give millions of dollars to feed people? I know on the surface it seems like such a simple thing: people are starving, give them food. It really isn't that simple though, it is much more complex. This simply complex question has been rolling around my head for the past couple of weeks. If anyone has any thoughts, feel free to share.
I finally went for a morning run a couple days ago to cure my lardish feeling. It was amazing but I'm not sure how consistent I can be with it.
In addition to feeling bad about killing a goat, I just found a sizable spider on my suitcase...pretty sure I brushed it with my hand, and I even felt bad killing THAT! What is wrong with me?! I felt bad because the spider wasn't aggressive, it was very timid. I wanted to try and put it outside but honestly didn't know how to accomplish that and it was really big so I didn't want it to bite me. So I squished it. And then I wanted to apologize to it. I should probably get over this hyper sensitivity to death.
I finally got to see a food distribution. I have been meaning to see one and have just never had time to go. It was a pretty cool thing to see. The stack up the food in front of the warehouses and give it out to groups of people as they punch families ration cards. The groups then divide up the food among the families. Cool system. It seems to work well and I am obviously leaving out tons of details but in short, it was really cool to see something being done. A lot of my job so far has been figuring out how things should go or helping our staff but I haven't gotten to do much to help people. At the food distribution, I got to see our team helping people in the form of food aid. Then again...are we helping?
I've been thinking about the question for awhile now, are we helping? Is the assistance we give the refugees really helping, or are we helping to fuel the conflict? Helping them become dependent on us? Arrogantly believing we are really doing any good at all when we are not? I really don't know. I think there are probably many different opinion on this, just like every other issue, I just have not figured out what my opinion is. I just kept wondering, as I was watching people walk away with sacks of Sorghum on their heads, what did refugees do before NGO's existed? There has always been conflict, how did the victim's of conflict's past survive without food assistance? Did they survive? Our aid doesn't help groups solve conflict and doesn't help people get over tribalism, so what did they do in the past when there was a "humanitarian crisis?" Who decided it was a good idea to give millions of dollars to feed people? I know on the surface it seems like such a simple thing: people are starving, give them food. It really isn't that simple though, it is much more complex. This simply complex question has been rolling around my head for the past couple of weeks. If anyone has any thoughts, feel free to share.
I finally went for a morning run a couple days ago to cure my lardish feeling. It was amazing but I'm not sure how consistent I can be with it.
In addition to feeling bad about killing a goat, I just found a sizable spider on my suitcase...pretty sure I brushed it with my hand, and I even felt bad killing THAT! What is wrong with me?! I felt bad because the spider wasn't aggressive, it was very timid. I wanted to try and put it outside but honestly didn't know how to accomplish that and it was really big so I didn't want it to bite me. So I squished it. And then I wanted to apologize to it. I should probably get over this hyper sensitivity to death.
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