My heart is still wrapped around this?

Reading about the crisis in Zimbabwe makes me realize how complicated Africa’s problems are. Although one may look at it from far away and think the issues can be easily resolved, there is too many ingrained thought patterns to give a simple solution and walk away. While the solution may be simple, implementation will most likely not be. To me it seems there is a prideful man set in his ways who refuses to give up his power when doing so would only improve his country rather than deprive it of his years of experience. I think those years of experience have only hardened him to what being in public service is really about…serving the public. Then again, maybe a power change wouldn’t do much either. It seems whenever someone new comes into power in Africa they start off with the best intentions and end up corrupt and power hungry. I do realize I am severely lacking when it comes to knowledge of Africa and I am trying to fix that, but I guess the little knowledge I do have makes me think that’s what the leaders are like. I would love to think there is something I can be a part of that is helping to resolve this, but I know the only thing I can do is pray. What really gets me is that because of leaders being unable to negotiate and solve their disputes, people are dying form starvation and cholera, the economy is collapsing, people live in fear since certain freedoms are not present, CHILDREN AREN’T BEING EDUCATED because it’s too expensive or teachers don’t teach because they aren’t being paid. What a way to ensure your country will become worse, cease to educate your children. This is why leaders are so important, they shape the way for people to go and when they deviate to focus on their own selfish, prideful, destructive ways they leave no path for anyone to follow and whatever they had built previously, collapses. Issues like this really anger me.
Happy New Year! Yes, it is Lunar New Year’s day. This year is the year of the bull…also MY YEAR. 1985 was also the year of the bull, so it’s my year and I’m excited for it. 2009 will be an interesting ride, that much I can guarantee. I’m looking into jobs in Dubai but feel that if I did go, it would have to be for less than a year. At some point I realize I need to start taking jobs that develop my career rather than my passport. At some point. J I’m beginning to see that I have a passion for making sure the interaction between business, politics and people is a healthy one. Hoping to start a career somewhere in that arena, I know there’s a need!
I have been re-reading ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ and stumbled upon a passage where she explains happiness through a yogic mindset. She says (loosely) that happiness is something that must be achieved and once it is, something that must be maintained. You cannot just expect happiness to come to you, you have to keep it as a part of your life. I think I understand what she means. I woke up 3 days ago very, very, very happy; realizing I had friends and family that loved me, was healthy, hardworking, intelligent, and had at least enough potential to ensure I could succeed somewhere…life is good. Even when people disappoint me, circumstances make life difficult, or decisions come back to haunt me, life is GOOD and there is a reason to smile. When I feel happiness slipping away I need to remind myself how much love surround my life, how much difference kind words to someone else can make, and how much more of this beautiful life I potentially have left. I have also been watching lifechurch.tv sermons online and am so thankful that they put them online. The series on prayer reminds me how important it is not only because Jesus says how powerful it is over and over again but because it provides balance to life. Absolutely key.

Indian food in Korea is not recommended

On Sunday morning I had an experience in South Korea that I did not anticipate nor enjoy in the slightest. This experience was that of food poisoning. Oh, the joy! I haven’t been as sick as I was since I was in Africa, and even in Africa I was sick for less time. I won’t go into detail, but the sickness started around 6:30 am on Sunday and I couldn’t put anything in my mouth without puke until noon. Then, I was sore and all out of sorts the rest of the day. Monday was okay, but I should have had NO FOOD instead of pasta late at night. Today, Tuesday, I am trying to not ingest anything except liquid and I’m pretty sure this is the best idea. I blame the whole thing on an Indian buffet I had in Songtan. Their chicken curry was cold and it should have been hot…which means it was probably sitting there for awhile. I guess I shouldn’t have eaten it, but I have this crazy belief that nothing bad will EVER happen to me. Sometimes I should rely more on logic than crazy beliefs. Sometimes.
I finally feel like an okay teacher and it is with this thought that I know I cannot be a teacher next year. I say that knowing full well I could change my mind. Although, today I was looking at what sort of jobs were open in the US. Yes, my friends, I am actually considering moving back to America. We’ll see what happens, but I am pretty sure I want one year of professional experience before I get my masters. If I don’t get professional experience, I’m still pretty confident I’ll be going to graduate school in 2010.
I’ve been slacking hardcore on learning Korean. The holidays and Taiwan messed me up.
I am jonesing to see Slumdog Millionaire. It sucks because it’s not in theaters in Korea and since it’s such a popular movie, it’s really hard to find a decent stream of it. Not okay.
I am writing this in my classroom and my students are currently quizzing each other on the names of all the members of Big Bang…wow. I used to be just like these girls! And if you’ve never heard of Big Bang, you should look that up. They’re a big deal over here. And they all look like women. Which I just told them and they just said, "No..." and then listed off all their names, as if this would convince me they were in fact men.

I know the heart of life is good.

It’s the New Year, how weird. I can honestly say as I was watching the fireworks in Taiwan taking gulps from the champagne being passed around that I did not have any particular feeling about 2009. Usually, I have some sort of feeling…the year will be exciting, different, a transitioning year, sad, good, bad, whatever. This year, nothing. I just felt…hm…slightly nauseous from drinking champagne too fast? Yeah, that’s really the only emotion I had going on and that’s more a physical reaction than an emotion, really. Maybe that means I get to make this year whatever I want and I until I decide it’s just a blank slate. Maybe I need to make some decisions. I’ve been feeling that for awhile.
I got back from Taiwan Sunday night and it was quite the adventure. I’m really bad at retelling detailed stories of events that impacted me, but let me try a little bit. First, let me say that I planned little to none of this trip. I bought plane tickets (for me and my friend), know what cities we were going to, and looked up some things to do in said cities, but I didn’t book hotels or even look to see where hotels were, did not download maps, didn’t check any sort of transportation provided within cities….nothing like that. I went in pretty blind, just to see what would happen. And events happened. The first full day in Taipei was rainy, but we had managed to get a sweet tourist map from the airport (should have thought to ask for one of those for every city since it was in ENGLISH) so we easily found our way around a city full of food stands, motorbikes, and shrines/temples. It was a good time, a bit wet, but great. Then, we ventured onto Tainan. We were in the MRT station looking a bit confused for no longer than 20 seconds when we hear , “I can help, how can I help?” coming from behind us. What do we find but the friendliest 5-language speaking Indonesian University student ever. He was beyond wonderful leading us to the train station and teaching us how to ask for tickets in Chinese all but 2 minutes before HIS train pulled away. It made my heart swell. I did actually forget how to say that Chinese sentence but realized that if you say “two (insert city name here)” the ticket person knows what you mean. One thing I overlooked when thinking about this trip…it was the New Years holiday. The high speed rail tickets were sold out and we had to get standby slow bus tickets. We couldn’t get on the first bus, so we had to wait about an hour or a bit more to get on a bus for the 4-4 ½ hour ride to Tainan. Awesome anyways because we basically bused all the way down Taiwan (that’s what she said?). Tainan provided entertainment in the form of seeing a college acquaintance, watching a worship dvd in a christian café and feeling the longing for a great church, trying bubble tea for the first time, New Year‘s fireworks, a ride on a motorbike, and the kindness of a man at a 7 eleven who knew me and Lauren were cold so he gave us weird meat broth. The broth was actually tasty and more importantly, hot. It was warmer in Taiwan than Korea, but that night was chilled. After Tainan we went to Taichung. LAME. It’s an up and coming city in Taiwan and it has….things it could offer a traveler who plans ahead. I am not that traveler. Taichung woulda been a bust had I not gotten the best phone call ever. It went something like this: *ring* (Lauren: should we answer that? Who would call us here? No one knows we’re here…) Me: Hello? Then I hang up because person couldn’t hear me. 30 secnds later *ring* Me: “Yobosayo? (Korean hello) Oh, oh! HI! Yeah, okay, definitely, sounds great…..okay, yeah, we’ll be down in just a minute! Okay! Bye!” And who was on the other end but a friend of the hotel owner who had heard we wanted to go to the night market, so he wanted to take us. Turned out to be a great guy named Wesley. Great English speaker, made Taichung much better than it would have been. Lauren was a bit freaked that a random man had called our room to take us somewhere in a country where we didn’t speak the language and had never been before…but I figured it was harmless. I could have been wrong, but I wasn’t so it’s fine. The major snag that made me want to set things on fire happened on our last day in Taipei. I needed to change money into NTD that I didn’t change in the airport when I got in (HUGE mistake) and found that I could not. I was a very unhappy girl when I realized through the tireless labor of a random network marketing journalism University student that they changed Yen, USD, Canadian, HK, and Euro….but not Won. Kinda doesn’t make sense since Korea is so close, but they were not fans of the Won in Taiwan. Sucked for me…but my Visa card found a way around that. And that student? Yeah, he went around with us for probably an hour trying to find a place to change our money before we FORCED him to stop after he tried a chain of jewelry stores in a desperate attempt to get my money changed. The Taiwanese are probably the most helpful and kindest people I have ever encountered overseas.
Longest. Blog. Ever. Sorry about that, I just know that I had mentioned to some people that I was going to Taiwan and I didn’t want to leave everyone hanging with no stories since we all know when I travel weird things happen. I do feel as if I went through an amazing process in Taiwan that I really didn’t expect. I feel more motivated, grounded, sure of who I am…it’s hard to describe. It’s as if before I was just going through the motions of life, unsure of everything around me, unsure of what would happen next. In Taiwan I got a sense of security, a sense that who I was before was still there, I could and should accomplish things just as I would was I back in the states. It’s so hard to describe in words and the words I just used are not doing what happened justice in any way, but just know that I feel more confident that my future is not dark in any way but bright because I can accomplish things I had forgotten I was capable of just a couple of months ago.
Today I joined a gym, learned how to ask for a discount in Korea, and had my students yell at me for going off on a tangent about math (since numbers are universal, they’d rather read English than long division as it turns out….over achievers). I also had my boss tell me the most awesome thing ever. My hot water has been funky for around a month not. I told him before I left for Taiwan that my shower was not getting hot, just lukewarm and he even came over to make sure I wasn’t lying before leaving and saying, “Well, I am not a handyman I cannot fix that.” Duh, that’s why I told you to call someone…. Anyways, he said he would fix it while I was gone but he didn’t. I had one lukewarm shower before I made the decision to join a gym and take advantage of their reliable steamy showers. He asked me today if it was any better (even though no one had done anything to fix it) to which I said, “I don’t know, I’ve been going to the gym.” His reply? “Oh, you should just go to the gym everyday and wash up.” Yah. Seriously?! Really? That’s how you’re fixing this problem? When he came by to check it the first time he tried to tell me it wasn’t worth fixing because I would only be there another month or so. I informed him very quickly that I would be wanting a hot shower within that month. No worries though, someone is coming by tomorrow to fix it. Thank God he knew I would not actually settle for the solution of making the gym my pseudo home.
And that is my novel.

Trying to find a balance

I am better and completely believe in the healing powers of kimchi. Maybe what I mean is that I now know how great cabbage and spice are…even though Russia should have already taught me about cabbage.
Sometimes I wonder why good or bad things happen to certain people. How much of what happens to us is what we choose and how much is the ‘luck of the draw’? Is there just fate or is there just free will? I don’t think there is just one, but what’s the balance, how does that work? It’s insane to me how much of life we can’t really explain. Things happen because they happen. Sometimes it’s because we choose but sometimes it has nothing to do with what we choose. I had a friend who experienced a really rough night last night and she reminded me of this train of thought when she said, “Ashley, I know it sounds dumb but it’s when nights like last night happen that I think, what did I do for that to happen to me? I’m not a bad person, I never mean for anyone to feel hurt by my actions, so what did I do?” And the bittersweet answer to that is maybe she did nothing. Maybe it just happened that way and had nothing to do with her. It’s bitter because that’s just life and it’s sweet because she couldn’t have prevented it anyways and there’s nothing to regret. But I’ve been where she was. I have thought, ‘what did I do to deserve this situation?’. Who hasn’t? I wonder if there will ever be a point in my life when I think I have everything I want.
The other interesting half to this topic is maybe situations are not bad themselves but really our perception is what creates the negative reaction. Maybe. Living overseas has made me realize how different perceptions can really be. I always knew there were different sides to a story but I don’t know that I realized how different those sides could really be. How you are brought up to see something is how you will see it. If I hand a customer change with my left hand in America no one even thinks twice, but here they wouldn’t hand you something with their left hand only. And they are brought up to view someone giving you something with their bare left hand as negative. It’s interesting to realize point of view is SO diverse.

Life can be a little sweet but life can be a little shitty. --RHCP

Being sick just gives me a reason to be selfish

Wasn’t I just sick? I’m thinking my last sickness somehow didn’t count because I am sick again. This time legitimately sick in the way that you feel gross when you wake up and have an interesting time falling asleep, get a little worse everyday, and then hopefully get a bit better after you hit sickness bottom. I have an effing cold (or bird flu if you want to make it sound exotic). Boo. I taught a lot of my classes the word sick today so I guess I can attribute my cold to expanding the children of Korea’s vocabulary. And there’s the silver lining.
I’ve noticed over the years that when I am sick I tend to get a bit dramatic and all “poor me”. I think that’s the selfish me coming out. That also may shine through in this little update I’m about to give.
I’ve been in Korea for about 2 ½ months now…approaching the 3 month mark. Historically, this is about the time I start missing things from home. Right now I miss scalding hot water coming from my showerhead, people speaking English all around me, the number four button being an option in the elevator (they don‘t put the number 4 they just put the letter F since the number 4 looks like the word for death), studying (yes, I am that nerdy), calling anyone I want in America whenever I want and not having to say, ’I’m sorry, I’m on my computer, can you hear me better…now??’, the insanity of the holidays, the airport in December, reading the ingredients on the back of food and body products, and driving. Also snow, but there are places in America that I would also be missing that last one, so it only half counts. I realize that list has some weird things on it but you never really know what sort of things make you feel like home until you don’t have them anymore. Biggest pet peeve in Korea? That I can’t read ingredient labels. Seriously. I need to get a move on with learning Korean food words.
I went to the DMZ and if I was in a better mood, I would tell you all the awesome things I learned. Really though, I did find out a lot about North Korea that I didn’t know. It is insane how sheltered and closed off that country is. I was reminded of how ignorant I like to be of world happenings today when I read an article about how China likes to censor what information gets into their country. What’s the deal there? They don’t want their citizens to know what’s going on? I’m not sure I quite understand how a country advancing as quickly as China can afford to censor their people from information most of the world has access to. Doesn’t that sort of put their people at an informational disadvantage? I think it does, but who am I? Clearly not anyone at all close to influencing the Chinese government. Also, looking at it objectively, America also censors information…maybe just not as blatantly as China.
I’m currently looking at which grad schools I want to apply to. I’m not applying until next year, but I want to start preparing now or I’ll never do it.
Over the past few weeks I have realized that I talk about eggs too much, get very passionate about whatever book I happen to be reading, and am a pushover when it comes to cheating during made up card games like pumpernickel. Life is wonderful when you are learning.
And here are some lyrics to a song that makes me smirk when I realize my current situation:
I'm a new soul I came to this strange world hoping I could learn a bit about how to give and take but since I came here felt the joy and the fear finding myself making every possible mistake (New Soul--Yael Naim)

Yoga is really more of an anger issue than a relaxation technique

I officially hate yoga. I realize that people do yoga to relax, clear their heads, feel better and more positive about life…but it just makes me angry. Maybe it would have been okay if my instructor was an English speaker who told me nice things like “focus on your core…breathe slowly…really concentrate on clearing out your center…” or whatever it is my instructor is saying, but in Korean. The only words I understand are ‘left’ ‘right’ and ‘switch’. I also somehow caught onto whenever he was telling us to put one of our limbs down. Not sure how that happened…but my brain got it. This week the anger came to a head and last night at my last class EVER of yoga I sat there during my least favorite poses and refused to do them. I realize this proves that I have regressed significantly when it comes to maturity and constructive communication, but I just couldn’t pretend anymore. My body naturally bends in ways it really shouldn’t, so this man though I liked yoga and had done it back in the states. I feel that I proved to him my hate for yoga when I just looked at him and instead of forcing me to “Ashley, again” he just let me give him a dirty look. What a kind man. He really is a kind man though, he gave me a neti pot! Nevertheless, I am going back to running.
I bought a plane ticket to Taiwan today. Craziness. I’m pretty stoked though…it should be warm enough to make me feel like it’s not New Years. Then again, for China, it WON’T be New Years. That should be a good adventure…find New Year’s in a country that runs on a lunar calendar. I have no doubts in my skills though, I will find the scene or create one myself.
Let’s see, what are some life highlights…. One of my most fluent and youngest English speakers drew me a picture that said, “This is for you, Teacher. I love you.” And I nearly cried. It was so sweet. There is a REASON her class is one of my favorites and I look forward to it everyday. Also, a little girl who I have had MAJOR issues with teaching (I.e. when we began, she could BARELY read and had SOMEHOW passed all her phonics classes?!?!?!) gave me a gift today. Lately, she has been getting WAY better, actually being able to read words and is speaking more which makes me very, very happy. She gave me two pens that said ‘Korea’ on them and had handmade Korean dolls on them. It sounds weird, but they are really cool pens.
I am feeling like I am progressing in personal growth. Finally. I started writing about some goals I have for myself and why I decided to come to Korea, which helped a lot with making me feel grounded and confident in my decisions. I’ve been getting a little irritated with Korean lately. It doesn’t help that I think it is an ugly language and don’t have any personal draw to it…I’m not way into learning a language for things like survival. I can survive with English. I am trying to force myself to learn anyways and know that eventually I’ll become intrigued by Korean. Hopefully that time comes sooner rather than later.

Holidays and the crazy things I do

So….how to process it all. I am getting better and better at this thing called culture shock mostly because it seems every culture is the same and simply expresses it differently. Once you find the common thread, what is left to be shocked over?
It doesn’t feel like Christmas in Korea because I’m not constantly being bombarded with reminders of how much money I need to spend since it’s CHRISTMAS and what ELSE do you do on Christmas but buy ridiculously expensive things for everyone in your life?! I’ve always loved every part of Christmas but the gifts. I think a couple years ago is when I stopped enjoying gifts. It just seems so ridiculous to feel pressured to buy things for people simply because that is what you did (or at least what the media screamed you should do). I understand the importance of tradition, I understand that there is the desire to show your loved ones that you love them by giving them something, but it feels so fake and forced. I always loved being able to relax, eat, joke around, watch movies, and just be with everyone I loved because it was Christmas. And then there was the candlelight Christmas Eve service…so beautiful. For some reason, I still cannot sleep on Christmas Eve…the excitement I felt as a child always creeps back up again and I just lay in bed with my eyes wide open and a smile on my face. I don’t know if that will happen this year. I don’t know though…I watched ‘Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown!’ in one of my more advanced English classes the other night and cried when it got to the part where Linus tells the Christmas story out of the Bible. Then, tonight, I watched a scene from ‘The Polar Express’ and could not stop smiling. So, maybe that Christmas spirit is creeping up!
I do yoga here in Korea but for the past couple of times I have had to force myself to go. My instructor is unbelievably kind, but I just don’t really like yoga. I am already flexible, so I don’t really feel like it’s pushing me to new heights. All I feel it doing is inflict pain on random body parts because the language barrier causes me to pull muscles instead of gently stretch them. The instructor is always saying, “Ashley, slow, slow.” But when he isn’t watching and trying to instruct in Korean, I tend to go fast, fast. I definitely messed up my neck and in between my shoulders tonight. Go me. I think I’m going to go back to running.
The guy I do the language exchange with told me that a Russian professor he knows will let me start attending her classes for free. I am so excited! The only snags I see in this plan are 1. I hope the time of the classes match the times I can go and 2. I don’t know Korean and she doesn’t know English…so it looks like I will be learning Korean and Russian at the same time. I honestly think I know enough Russian for her to be able to explain any misunderstanding in Russian and it will be okay, but if not, then my Korean will also be getting better. Insane. I’m pretty excited and REALLY hope I can do the class. I’m hoping to meet her tomorrow when I go with my friend to his University.
I made chicken noodle soup pretty much from scratch the other night. Even though it’s not hard, it tasted amazing and that made me proud of myself.
I finally watched ‘Blood Diamond’ about a week ago and realized how in love with Africa I really am. A friend of mine said he doesn’t think it would take much to “fix” Africa, but then what would we have to “fix” next. I’m not sure I agree and I’m not sure one can really use an excuse like that to justify not doing it. There was a part in the movie where Leo DiCaprio’s character is talking to an African dude who asks Leo if he thinks there are good or bad people. Leo’s character says that he doesn’t think there are good or bad people, there are just people who DO good and bad things. Even a bad person can be redeemed by a good action. I found it very interesting, true, and somewhat disturbing how capable any person is of doing whatever they feel they have to. I’ve also been listening to a LOT of business/economic NPR programs. It’s very interesting hearing about all the pieces of the puzzle that make up the current economic state of the world. Learning about the hyperinflation happening in Zimbabwe blew my mind. How that mess will get figured out is beyond me.
I think this is enough of an update for now. My Thanksgiving turned out to be FANTASTIC and I got to eat stuffing made from scratch by me. There, of course, were other wonderful things to eat and my Irish friend that taunted me over how many Thanksgiving’s he was getting ended up giving me turkey. All was well. J