Sentences are hard

I've been having really disconnected thoughts lately and haven't been able to form sentences well today so....I think this post will be in bullet points. The bullet points probably won't be related. I'll do my best.

• Lately, whenever a bug bites me I am pretty sure I just contracted a disease. Because of this, I am super jumpy and look like a scared little girl everywhere I go. It makes people laugh but I also know they are judging me. I don't like this.
• My feet got ridiculously muddy yesterday. Solution? Paint my toes today so that if they get muddy in the future, I can't really tell how dirty they are. I'm not sure if this can actually be counted as a solution...but I've been in a lot of denial lately.
• I have been feeling really sad lately. I'm not sure who I can actually tell about this besides my friends back in America since I don't want people here thinking I want to give up. I don't want to give up, I just want to talk about being sad. Not sure how to deal with this one.
• We got some goats today and since I like to eat goat, I'm thinking I should kill one. Just to understand where my food comes from. Don't worry, I will post pictures on facebook.
• I love and hate it here all at once. Actually, I experience those emotions at different moments but sometimes in the same hour. I love when I can understand someone but I hate when I can't. OR when people laugh at me...I really hate that. I don't know why they are laughing. I just know that I am always being watched because I'm different. I'm getting very annoyed with this despite knowing it cannot be avoided.
• I feel so guilty knowing I will not be home when someone I love gets there. I wish I didn't feel guilty but I feel like maybe I ruined it. And maybe I did.
• I am having a hard time understanding why things are how they are. Why do people need more than one wife? Why would someone hate another person because they look different? Why is war a solution? Why hasn't anyone built ROADS here?! The questions of life.
• Sometimes, when I speak, I find myself saying words I don't even think or believe. That is frustrating. And everyone knows, once the word vomit starts...it is hard to stop.
• I feel like a lard.
• I think love is a difficult thing. It makes people feel amazing, like life will never get any better. There is no feeling like it. It also makes people feel horrible, like a part of them is missing when they can't be with someone they love. I think it can be the best and worst thing in the world.

These are some random Sunday thoughts. Sorry this isn't really an update. I would say nothing has happened but of course things have happened. There wasn't enough food to distribute, there were crazy amounts of bugs, we got an awesome visitor...but those aren't things I particularly cared to write about. Maybe next time.